Cruel Compendium #56 🎀
Choosing must over should, bathroom ghosts, and rat girl summer
Hi, Barbie!
I’ve seen Barbie twice already (fab), saw Oppenheimer Sunday (excellent), and am seeing Theater Camp tonight. Quite the week of cinema! It was intensely joyous to see all the girlies wearing pink all weekend long. But now that I’ve paid to see these movies, can I please be freed from their advertising barrage? Pretty please?
For Contently, I talked to four creatives who took the leap to full-time freelance in 2020 about their work journeys so far, plus one freelance pro who shared her best advice for newbies.
Last week, I wrote about the uncomfortable experience of seeing a psychic who correctly predicted that I wouldn’t get a job I wanted, and learning to appreciate the uncertain, in-between times of life.
On to the links!
What I’m reading
The crossroads of should and must by Elle Luna. My business coach Stella Gold pointed me toward Luna’s book as I’m thinking about the next stage and priorities of my freelance life. Luna’s Medium piece (where the book idea came from) is well worth a read if you’re feeling lost or stuck. It’s time to focus on the Musts in your life and let them (and not fear) lead you.
The exhilarating and messy in-between by Hannah Levy. Continuing with last week’s theme of embracing the in-between, Levy writes about how we can better enjoy the creative process, and celebrate and savor our successes.
Swole woman Casey Johnston is in the New York Times! I talked with Johnston on the CSBC podcast last year about the joy you find when you go from exercising because you want to be thin to lifting because you want to be strong. Her book, Liftoff: Couch to Barbell, is an approachable guide to lifting for anyone and I highly recommend it.
On being a woman alone in the woods by Blair Braverman
Dating with an open mind doesn’t work by Tiffany Philippou (who I also talked to on the CSBC podcast).
The guy who was indecisive and low energy when planning the date turned out to have the same attitude to his life which did not make for an enjoyable evening. The one I knew I wouldn’t fancy from his pictures I… didn’t fancy in real life. The one who was overtly sexual in his messages lunged at me to try and kiss me within minutes of us meeting turned out to be as inappropriate in real life as he was over text. I’d wanted to cancel each of these dates before going on them and regretted not listening to my intuition.
I was so relieved to read Philippou’s denouncement of open mind dating. Single women are hit with advice from all sides about how they can change their approach to dating to get better results, and so much of it focuses on having an “open mind,” or dating people outside of your type. While I see the general wisdom in this and don’t think it makes sense to have a long laundry list of hyperspecific attributes (hair color, height, profession, etc.) for a potential partner, going on dates with someone you’re not super excited about for the sake of “keeping an open mind” doesn’t work! Period! Every single time I get a whiff that the guy I’m about to see is a bit off or won’t be a fit for me, I’m 100% right. And then I leave the date feeling disappointed, and less open-hearted. As Philippou mentions, women are taught to approach dating with a scarcity mindset, and her thoughts inspired me to adjust my dating radar and recommit to only going on dates I’m truly excited about.
Questionable self-care advice
Affirmations for rat girl summer
Support system
If you believe that you have something special inside of you, and you feel it’s about time you gave it a shot, honor that calling in some small way — today.
If you feel a knot in your stomach because you can see the enormous distance between your dreams and your daily reality, do one thing to tighten your grip on what you want — today.
If you’ve been peering out over the edge of the cliff but can’t quite make the leap, dig a little deeper and find out what’s stopping you — today.
Because there is a recurring choice in life, and it occurs at the intersection of two roads. We arrive at this place again and again. And today, you get to choose.
— From The Crossroads of Should and Must by Elle Luna
Vision board
Obsessions
🎹 “Barbie Girl” in the style of six classical composers, via Kottke
🫑 Why you won’t find a green pepper in your pepper multipack
👗 Whering: digitize your wardrobe and get stats about how often you wear your clothes. Curious to try this out.
👩💻 This free Creative Mornings workshop by Focused might change your life. It changed mine!
⌨️ I recently chatted with the founder of blackfreelancer.com, a great resource for job-seeking and community-building for Black professionals.
👻 Get to know your Japanese bathroom ghosts
👖 Loving the way he does a fit check
🍉 Must try this two-ingredient watermelon sorbet, this easy peach frose, and this frozen espresso martini
🚰 IYKYK that Europeans don’t believe in water
Minerva and Dusty moment
There were three squirrels on the tree.
Mood
Thank you so much for including my writing here! ❤️