Cruel Compendium #65 🐌
The myth of the relaxed woman, eldest boy attire, and snail girl winter
It’s almost time to nestle into holiday mode—just hold on a bit longer!
Hey friends, I’m really hoping to get more responses, so…
🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼Please take three minutes to fill out the CSBC reader survey! 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
Thank you to everyone who already responded!
ICYMI: Last week I shared my transparent, by-the-numbers Freelance Year in Review! Thanks to all of you who had a positive reaction to this leap of faith!
On to the links!
What I’m Reading
Never rely on a man’s money by Maggie Smith
I had logged in to the savings account I shared with my husband to discover that half of the savings had been withdrawn in one chunk, right after the last big argument my husband and I had.
I called him, and I’ll never forget what he said: His lawyer had recommended it.
Liberal women should not marry Republican men by
Underlying all of this is the assumption that women ought to sacrifice their core beliefs and principles so men don’t have to be lonely or cook their own dinners. In the words of Moira Donegan, “My radical feminist opinion is that if men who are exclusively attracted to women are also incapable of viewing women as social equals deserving of rights and dignity, then they deserve the loneliness that will follow.”
Or as I wrote in my own book: “Women are taught that it is noble to lose themselves inside their marriage. To give up everything for home and children, even themselves. I often wonder how many stories, how many scientific breakthroughs, how many plays, musical scores, and innovations, have been tossed onto the pyre of human marriage.”
What happens to a school shooter’s sister? by Jennifer Gonnerman
A deep dive into the close relationship Kristin Kinkel still has with her brother Kip, who murdered his parents then went to school and killed two students and injured 25 in Springfield, Oregon in 1998. He was 15 and mentally ill. The story looks at what’s happened to Kip, his victims, and his sister in the decades since, and how each of them views justice.
Boomers traded in the child-raising village for traveling. Now millennial parents say they have no one to support them. by Julie Gerstein and Jane Ridley
This article sparked a big discussion in my group chat with my married friends with kids. My favorite part is that millennials’ jump in emotional growth and relational expectations are too annoying for our elders to deal with.
Embracing the inner snail by
Sign me up for Snail Girl Winter. One of my favorite snail practices is journaling and sipping coffee outside at 8am, an hour before I start work.
Reading on Israel and Palestine:
As Gaza death toll soars, secrecy shrouds Israel’s targeting process
Israel is detaining civilians in Gaza. Many have disappeared, families say.
Israel investigates sexual violence committed by Hamas on Oct. 7
The brutality revealed by Hamas’ own footage from its attack on Israel on Oct. 7
US vetoes UN resolution backed by many nations demanding immediate humanitarian cease-fire in Gaza
UN General Assembly demands ceasefire in Israel’s war on Gaza. A total of 153 countries voted in favor of the resolution on Tuesday, 10 countries voted against it (including the U.S.), while 23 abstained.
Actions for Palestine:
Download the 5 Calls app to easily dial your representatives and demand a permanent ceasefire in Gaza. Sixty-one members of Congress have now called for a ceasefire — these calls are working.
Use Jewish Voice for Peace’s (JVP) action items to email and call President Biden and your Congressional reps to call for a ceasefire now.
Join JVP’s daily Power Half-Hour for Gaza (2pm CT Mon-Fri) to hear updates on the movement and take action for peace in Palestine.
Contact Austin’s City Council members today to urge them to add the Gaza ceasefire resolution to the 12/14 City Council meeting (it did not make it on the 11/30 agenda).
I’m listening to:
Questionable Self-Care Advice
“Growing up, I never knew a relaxed woman. Successful women? Yes. Productive women? Plenty. Anxious and afraid and apologetic women? Heaps of them. But relaxed women? At-ease women? Women who don't dissect their days into half hour slots of productivity? Women who prioritize rest and pleasure and play? Women who aren't afraid to take up space in the world? Women who give themselves unconditional permission to relax? Without guilt? Without apology? Without feeling like they need to earn it? I'm not sure I've ever met a woman like that. But I would like to become one.”
― Nicola Jane Hobbs
Support System
“Reminder: You don’t always need to be fixing what’s wrong, changing for the better, or healing everything that hurts. Rest. Pace yourself. You’re not a project that needs to be completed.” —
Vision Board
Obsessions
🎹 I start many a morning listening to Masakatsu Takagi’s piano experimentations.
🌈 Dreaming about this rainbow carpet
💗 CSBC podcast guest Francesca Hogi gave a TED talk on true love!
🧹 TIL what Swedish death cleaning is
👯♀️ The words all your friends are longing to hear? “And I mean this with genuinely no subtext…”
📚 New York Times readers share their picks for the best books of the last 125 years
🍰 Did you know you can see full British Bake-Off recipes and tons of other BTS goodies?
📓 Diarly, a digital diary app
🌠 Nights on Earth, a quick calendar look at what’s going on celestially
📺 I don’t totally understand how Reelgood works to combine all your steaming services into one but I’d like to try it.
🪦 A playlist of villains falling to their death. Strangely satisfying.
✔️ What you clicked on most in the last Compendium: Don’t reply to your emails. Ever.
Cleo moment
Guest cat post from my parents’ elf, Cleo!
Anthem
Mood
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Snail girl winter, indeed.
What a round up, Jillian. Thanks for the feature - love the snail gif 🙌