Cruel Compendium #74 🌊
Kinkeeping, creative constipation, and couples therapy
Hello, new subscribers! I’m so happy you’re here!
In the Cruel Compendium you’ll find a cornucopia of links to everything I’m reading, watching, and thinking about.
ICYMI, last week I shared my grandfather’s eulogy. In this extended period of grief, I’m intentionally finding joy in being alive. Writing this newsletter is part of that.
Be sure to click “View entire message” at the end of this email so you can read the whole post in your browser. On to the links!
Please submit your questions about art, life, and love so I can answer them in my new advice column, Dear Jilla!
You could ask about:
How to build creative habits
How to actually start a personal project you’ve been thinking about forever
How to know your own style and voice
How to build art into an art-less life
When (and how) to move on from what’s no longer serving you
How to tune into your intuition
How to make new friends (and keep some of your old ones)
How to love yourself and others more deeply
The alchemy of turning what you consume, from books to TV and conversations, into creative fuel
How to know what to do next
The constant work to keep a family connected has a name: kinkeeping by Danielle Friedman
And the TikTok that inspired this article.
Ms. Westcott lays out an analogy comparing family life to a play: Men are the actors, and women are the production crew, the ushers and everyone else working offstage.
“There’s a lot of effort and time and energy that goes into a play,” she says in the video. “But at the end of the day, when the play is done, people are not clapping for everything that they did not see.”
A British nurse was found guilty of killing seven babies. Did she do it? by Rachel Aviv
A fascinating deep-dive into a guilty verdict made from circumstantial evidence. I always read Aviv.
Not having kids means I get to support my friends who do by Ashley C. Ford
CSBC podcast guest Ashley C. Ford writes about deciding to be childfree—and she made a whole podcast talking to people about their choices to parent or not.
The last thing my mother wanted by Evelyn Jouvenet
The author’s mother chose to die by legal assisted suicide in Switzerland at age 74, even though she was healthy. This is a gripping personal essay on difficult parents, and how Jouvenet came to terms with her mother choosing to leave her and her sister behind.
Less than one week left. For the first time in my life, real rage. It bubbles up as dreams in which I shake her violently and only sawdust comes out. How can she value my sister and me — and our beautiful, kind, sparkly children — so little as to choose to leave us? And is she really going to go without any kind of reckoning with the person and parent she was, with the damage she has done? It feels horribly cyclical. When my grandmother died, my mother went through her apartment, searching for clues as to her personality, or perhaps some proof that her mother had loved and cherished her, and found a series of locked diaries dating back years. Hours later, she found the keys and was full of anticipation. All the diaries were blank.
How to relieve yourself of creative constipation by
Books lately
Books 14-17 of 2024
Really Good, Actually by Monica Heisey
A novel about divorce before 30s, learning to be alone, and hard-won mental health.
The Collected Regrets of Clover by Mikki Brammer
A death doula in New York City learns to embrace her own life.
Two Woman Walk into a Bar by Cheryl Strayed
The true short story of Strayed finally connecting with her mother-in-law at the end of her life.
The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath
My first reading of this classic novel based on Plath’s real-life experience of descending into deep depression and an extended stay at a psychiatric hospital.
Bits and bobs about freelance writing.
My recent bylines:
For those who love fonts and design, does a deep dive on why everything online looks the same.
Advice from
on how to get paid on time.Add your unpaid invoice to the Freelancers’ Union database.
Interest calculator for unpaid invoices for UK freelancers
- on building her consultancy, 18 Olives.
Newsletter Q&A from : "And if people think my writing is bad they can always smash the unsubscribe button. Many blessings on those who leave to find something better for them."
Cool opportunity alert: The 19th is accepting applications for its 2024-25 Frances Ellen Watkins News Fellowship. The program was launched to provide recent graduates, mid-career alums, and former students of Historically Black Colleges and Universities with full-year fellowships in the areas of reporting, audience engagement, and new product and technology. The salary range is $70,000-$75,000.
From this week's Study Hall opportunities newsletter:
Causes I care about and actions for change.
Here’s how to get an abortion anywhere by
Two brief videos that explain what’s happening in Congo. The most effective way for you to help? Stop buying any and all new tech (and vapes) and buy used/refurbished instead.
How a TikTok comedian started a movement for Palestinians and helped raised hundreds of thousands for families crowdfunding through Operation Olive Branch.
This TikTok humanizes one Palestinian family’s story and need for help.
Use Operation Olive Branch’s spreadsheet to donate to help evacuate a Palestinian family to safety. Over 800 families are desperate for help, and the situation in Rafah is more urgent than ever.
Visit ceasefiretoday.com for helpful links to email/call your Congress members, sign petitions, find a protest near you, and more.
Excited to write up a middle-school style list of Joyful Things to Do This Summer.
💑🏽 I watched all three seasons of Couples Therapy — a documentary series about real couples being taped during therapy — and it’s one of the best shows I’ve seen in a decade. Season 4 comes out May 31 and I will pay to see it.
📺 I was THRILLED to hear the first episode of the Happy Endings podcast hosted by Casey Wilson and Adam Pally. It’s my forever comfort show.
🔍 Fix Google search with one line. TL;DR: add "udm=14" to the search URL.
🖼️ The next time I have an extra grand lying around I’ll buy this stunning Olympia Le-Tan Van Gogh Oleanders embroidered appliquéd canvas clutch.
🎧 Listen to 15 free hours of audiobooks a month on Spotify.
🔮 Artist Maya Land is crowdfunding a Kickstarter to create a full Tarot deck from her delightful collages.
🐆 The comments about sexy mountain lion made me laugh. (TW: dead animal)
❇️ Forever reminder: Your life is happening now.
🤳 What you clicked on most in the last Compendium: My therapist is a TikTok star
Support for the week ahead from your higher self.
How can I practice acceptance in this season?
Judgment
Conviction, absolution, resolution
How can you act in the way that will bring YOU the most peace, regardless of others’ thoughts, actions, and reactions?
This peaceful sisterly moment lasted mere moments before the next brawl.