Join me for NOVEMBER OF NO

Racking up NO's to get to that YES.

We’re three days away from a new month, and a fresh opportunity for you to get shit done in this squirrely last quarter of the year. My big goal for the rest of 2024 is to get a couple of stories I care about published, which means actively pitching — but I’ve been having a really hard time getting myself to SIT DOWN and pursue these goals seriously. So this month, I’m trying something new. Enter NOVEMBER OF NO.

We all know that getting what we want in life sometimes simply revolves around asking for it. But most of us also struggle with rejection and all the sticky emotions that come with it: we’re scared of not being good enough, likeable enough, smart enough, capable enough — of not being enough in general. We’re afraid to try, because what if we fail? Or (sometimes even more frightening), what if we succeed?

When it comes to pitching editorial stories, I think my fear of rejection revolves around keeping myself safe. In my day-to-day writing and editing tasks, I know what I’m doing, and I feel confident and in control. Pitching to an editor and publication I’ve never written for about a story I have yet to thoroughly research adds a ton of unknowns into my life, and puts control over that idea into the hands of my editor.

But that fear mindset keeps me small, and means I am the biggest factor holding myself back from what I most want: to be actively writing stories I really care about and sharing them with the world in publications I’m excited about.

Enough. This month, I will intentionally embrace rejection by setting rejection goals. And I invite you to join me.

On the top of Angel’s Landing in Zion National Park, 2020.

What the heck is November of No?

A month of actively going after NO so we can get to YES.

I’m gathering a November-only community of people who want to set rejection goals alongside an accountability group. We will set weekly and monthly rejection goals and keep track of them. We’ll share our rejections as a community and celebrate each and every NO. We’ll talk about any messy feelings that come up and what we learn along the way.

And when we do get that YES? We’ll (digitally) party like it’s nineteen-NO-nety-nine. (Nailed it.)

I’m in! How do I sign up?

Sign up to join the NOVEMBER OF NO group through this Google Form. It’s casual and free. I’ll add everyone’s rejection goals to a shared Sheet where we can track our process. And I’ll send a brief check-in email to group members on Fridays so we can share our NO’s and say HELL YES. (Are you seeing this after November has already started? It’s totally fine to join and pick up from where you are now!)

At the end of the month, we can have a Zoom call and chat about the experience overall.

As an added bonus: Anyone who completes their rejection goal can take advantage of a free half-hour session of career consulting with me!

What kind of rejection goal should I set?

What’s something you would eventually like to get a YES for? That’s where you’ll find your rejection goal. You might want to start somewhere you know you have some mental blocks around.

Is it super hard for you to talk to strangers? To flirt and ask people out? Do you have a hard time applying for dream jobs that you’re scared you might not be qualified for? Are you ready to launch a paid product or service, but you’re scared no one will buy it? GREAT! The sooner you scythe your way through some NO’s, the sooner you get your YES.

Now, choose a numerical NO to chase. Do you want to try to get 30 no’s, one for every day in the month? One per week? Maybe you want to try for a single no? That will be one no closer to yes! Whatever your number is, try to make it realistically achievable as far as the time and energy you can devote to surfing those no’s.

I have a mental block around pitching, so my rejection goal is to send 12 pitches and get 12 no’s, three pitches per week. At least one of these pitches each week has to be an entirely new idea. The rest can be re-pitching ideas to new outlets. I will also follow up on each pitch one week after sending it.

LET’S GET AFTER THOSE NO’S BABY!

Rejection goal ideas:

• Lit magazine submissions

• Networking (this is one I can almost guarantee you’ll get more yes’s than no’s!)

• Trying artistic things you’re “not good at” — aka painting, dancing, writing

• Pitching yourself as a speaker

• Sending Letters of Introductions (LOIs) to potential clients

• Asking your subscribers/followers to pay for your work

• Asking people you know to follow/share something online

• Applying to jobs

• Having hard conversations you’ve been putting off

• Reconnecting with old friends/family members you’ve lost touch with

• Asking strangers for something (aka, Could I get a car ride up the hill? 👈🏼 That’s a real one I asked a stranger on a hike recently.)

• Asking people out

• Asking people for donations to a cause or candidate you care about

Very successful people on rejection

“Success” is so often just a numbers game.

• When I was 24, I had the great privilege of interviewing Joan Rivers in her Upper West Side home. During that interview, she told me something about rejection (specifically about dating, but it applies to everything in life) that I’ll never forget (paraphrased): “A friend of mine decided to go on 100 dates. She married number 87. Just think, when you walk into a room, there’s probably only a handful of people you’re interested in. You just have to get through everyone else.”

• You may have heard another very famous person talk about 100 people in a room: the one and only Lady Gaga. “There can be 100 people in the room, and 99 don’t believe in you, and you just need one.” (Fun fact about me: I’ve seen Lady Gaga perform live about 12 times since I was 19.)

• I saw a TikTok a long time ago I never stopped thinking about. It basically said: If you knew your YES was on the other side of 100 rejections, how quickly would you try to get through all 100 of those rejections? This is exactly the point of NOVEMBER OF NO!

Even more reading on the value of rejection goals:

The fine art of failure by Stephen Marche

Why you should aim for 100 rejections a year by Kim Liao

20 famous writers on being rejected by Emily Temple

So You Arrive to a Foreign City Alone and Desperate for Friends? by Tatiana Gallardo

What I learned from 100 days of rejection — TED Talk by Jia Jiang, and his 100 days of rejection therapy

A rejection goals template by Jaime deBlanc

Here’s a whole podcast about famous works of art/books/actors on their rejections:

Plus, one of my favorite podcasts of all time, Dead Eyes, is at its core about the rejections we endure, and how they shape our eventual success.

P.S. Many of you will see this newsletter and decide you don’t want to participate in November of No. That’s totally fine — and helps me get my 1,000 or so rejections in! For everyone else, sign up with your rejection goals today!