My brother's eulogy

Celebrating the life of Christopher Benjamin Anthony, a good man.

My family and I celebrated the life of my older brother, Chris, yesterday in Covina, California. I wrote and delivered his eulogy.

Today is his 48th birthday. Thank you for allowing me to share his well-lived life with all of you.

My sister, Jessica, my brother, Chris, and I around 1996.

We’re all here to celebrate the life of my older brother, Christopher Benjamin Anthony. He was kind, loyal, playful, open-hearted, caring, and he was loved by all of you here today, which is the greatest testament there is to a life well-lived.

Chris was a happy child who was best friends with his mom, Diana. He grew up in San Dimas close by his cousins who were close to his age, Manny, Michael, Melissa, and Adam Menchaca, and he went on lots of trips with them with our dad, Joe. Dad and Chris liked to go see the animals at the zoo, go on camping trips, go boating on Lake Powell, and ski up in Mammoth. Those are some of my dad’s happiest memories with him.

When Chris was little, Diana remembers he had two imaginary friends, Boy and Birdie. He liked to go lie down next to the air conditioning vent and talk to them until he fell asleep. Diana was in nursing school until Chris was about six years old, and she remembers the precious evenings they spent together next to each other in bed, her studying, and him reading books and asking her about all of the pictures.

Chris as a little boy.

I was born when Chris was 11, and our sister Jessica was born four years later, and he came to the hospital to meet both of us and hold us for the first time.

Me, Chris, Jessica, and my mom, Jan.

Everyone who knows Chris knows how much he loves video games, and he introduced me to gaming at a young age. He would always gift me new games for Christmas and introduced me to a lifelong love of Final Fantasy. I remember him burning me CDs of video game soundtracks that I would listen to on repeat. He gave me his old PS4 a few years ago and reignited my loved of gaming, and I’m so glad we shared that common nerdy interest.

Chris and I.

Chris was an introvert who didn’t often make himself the center of attention, but he was a secret rock star. In high school he had a rock band called Mom & Bill, and Diana remembers schlepping him to Whittier for practice, and going to see them perform often. Chris was the singer, and even though Diana says it was a lot of yelling and screaming, it made her very proud.

He also played tuba in the marching band at Bishop Amat, and Jessica and I remember going to see him perform, and later, listening to him play guitar in his college dorm at University of the Pacific. As an adult, Chris didn’t play music as often as he used to, but he could still rock a guitar and even recorded some of his own music. He had a stunning, deep singing voice, and we have the karaoke recordings to prove it. He liked to sing “My Way” by Frank Sinatra, a song our dad probably brought him up on.

Chris playing guitar and singing “Stay or Leave” by Dave Matthews Band, one of his favorite bands.

The one person I know who was the biggest, most constant source of happiness in his life was his fiancée, Candy. I know this because he told me how happy she made him and how well she took care of him every single time we were together.

Candy and Chris met at a work lunch five years ago. Candy says, “I was immediately struck stupid when I met him, him swaggering into the restaurant in his bike gear, pulling off his motorcycling helmet and flipping his head with that glorious head of hair.” She was instantaneously charmed. That work lunch ended up lasting for three hours, during which they talked about everything but work. Afterward, Chris asked Candy out, and their relationship grew with ease from there. They shared a loving home with their beloved dogs, Sparrow, Simba, and Honey. When the pandemic threw the outside world into a tailspin, Chris and Candy settled into bliss at home. Candy says it was a time of huge bonding and so much fun for them. She loved to cook him elaborate meals, and he loved to eat every bite. His favorite food was Italian, so Candy learned to make homemade pasta from scratch, as well as lasagna, beef stroganoff, and many other hearty dishes. Food was their love language. And Candy loved to settle in and spend time with Chris while he was gaming, which was maybe his third love after Candy and the dogs. Chris has always been incredibly witty, and Candy and Chris spent their days laughing together.

Chris and his fiancée, Candy.

Chris was always doing things that made Candy fall in love with him all over again. Candy is a huge bookworm, while Chris didn’t read much, but he still loved listening to her talk about her favorite books. Recently, Chris opened up a delivery to reveal that he had ordered the entire hardcover series of Throne of Glass by Sarah J Maas. He told Candy, I want to read the books so I can talk with you about them. This romantic gesture left her speechless.

I remember the months leading up to Chris asking Candy to marry him. He was excited to ask her, but nervous, unsure about how to do it. Finally, earlier this year, he got down on one knee at home, just the two of them and their dogs, which is how they were happiest. Chris and Candy were making plans to get married, travel more in 2025, and even launch their own business. Today, we are all mourning the time we hoped we’d still have with someone who brought so much to our lives.

Chris was kind to everyone he met, especially those he loved. Diana says he was always looking out for her, even long after he had moved away from home. Maybe ten years ago, Diana’s beloved dog died. Chris immediately drove down from Las Vegas to be with her, and brought a Claim Jumper cake with him. In adulthood, Chris texted Diana almost every day, and they shared the same dry sense of humor. He always loved motorcycles, and he made his mom drive out to Barstow to meet him to show off his first bike. Chris’ 48th birthday is tomorrow, and even though his birthday was during the holiday season, he never complained. He and Diana shared a Christmas tradition of making cookies together, and in recent years Candy often joined them for holiday celebrations.

Chris cheesin’.

Awhile ago, Chris was learning how to do meditative breathing, and he recorded the step-by-step process for some of his closest friends from law school, and shared it with them so they could benefit from it as well. Chris would even check in on Candy’s family members who were going through hard times.

Chris performing “Babylon” by David Grey, an artist he introduced me to.

After both Chris and our dad moved to Las Vegas, we would all spend time together, often with Candy, boating on Lake Mead, having barbecues by the pool, and going out to dinner at places like Lucille’s.

My college graduation with Jessica and Chris.

Chris made all of us laugh and easily adopted our dad’s silly dad jokes. If you know our dad, Joe, you know he’s been losing his hearing for decades, and whenever we asked him something like “Did you hear me?” he always purposefully said “Huh?” One of the last texts Chris sent my dad said, “I had a hearing test done today. The nurse asked me, ‘Do you want to get a hearing test?’ Of course I said ‘Huh?’ Love You Dad!”

From left: Me, Chris, our dad, Joe, and Jessica.

Chris performing “No Such Thing” by John Mayer.

I spent several months living in Las Vegas during the pandemic, and it was a joy to meet up with my brother and spend time with him one on one. He always made time for me.

Out riding with Chris and our cousin Manny in 2021.

My favorite thing about my brother was how willing he was to share himself with me. He wanted to know me and wanted me to know him. He shared what he was struggling with, and comforted me in my struggles. Our sister Jessica and Chris both had ADHD, which Chris was diagnosed with later in life, and they spent time connecting on that and sharing their difficulties. He told me about his divorce, his work issues, his worries in life, his dreams for the future, and I hung on every word. And he listened to me and supported me in return. He told me all the time how proud he is of me, how much he admired me. He was willing to face the hard things in life head on with me, as siblings who can understand each other in ways no one else can, and that’s rare, and something I’ll mourn all my life.

Without Chris, some things are going to be so much harder, but I’ll always be thinking of what Chris would have said, how he would have handled things. Because Chris has core qualities I don’t always possess: patience, a calm center, a quiet fortitude, a willingness to forgive both himself and others, an ease in putting others before himself.

Each of us here were loved by him, and we are better for it. Thank you for all of your love, kindness, and laughter, Chris. You’ll always be my big brother.

---