Can men and women be friends?
Plus, links and reads from the Cruel Compendium
✨New episode just dropped!✨
A new episode of the Cruel Summer Book Club podcast is out today! Listen to a candid conversation with writer (and my bestie) Samantha Stallard, my first two-time guest.
Sam asks a question for the ages: Can men and women be friends? We discuss the complications—and often letdowns—of friendships between heterosexual men and women. We talk through what it’s like dating as a woman in her 30s who isn’t interested in marriage or kids, the power of self-parenting, and the joys of friendships that feel like family. Plus, she talks about her grand return to New York City after moving away for two years when she called off an engagement. (You can read more about that more here and here, or listen to her talk about it on her episode from CSBC season 1.) You can also read the transcript of the episode.
Here’s a couple of my favorite quotes from Sam in this episode:
At 47:15:
I'm really enjoying being alone. To me, it's still so focused on the freedom of it, just the absolute freedom of not having to answer to anyone, or explain where I am or what I'm doing, or how I spend my time, or how I spend my money. Just having absolute autonomy is so enjoyable to me. And I still look at relationships as a loss of freedom, because that is how I have experienced them.
At 50:21:
We need to ask young women what they want, and give them opportunities and not just let it be assumed that you're gonna go down a certain life path. And I honestly challenge women in their 20s who think they want that to sit with it for a while, and really ask themselves. I feel I've I've watched friends get married young. And then they wake up one day with a husband and two kids and a house in the 'burbs. And they don't know if this was right, but they also feel like it's too late, which is so shitty. No one should ever feel like it's too late. We all have control of our destiny at any given time.
On to the links!
I’m reading
The benefits of having a crush by Sable Yong in her newsletter, Hard Feelings. I’d love a good crush right about now.
365 days of walking by Alex Elle. A year of life-changing walks and making her podcast, This Morning Walk.
The enduring allure of choose your own adventure books by Leslie Jamison, with gorgeous art by Tim Goschnick. You could catch me reading through every. single. ending. when I was 10 and spending hours a day reading.
What’s a dream job, really? by Gabrielle Korn. A lot here for me to consider as I keep thinking about what my work life should look and feel like now.
Love with nowhere to go by Katie Hawkins-Gaar in her newsletter, My Sweet Dumb Brain. Katie on celebrating and cherishing what would have been her 14th anniversary with her deceased husband, with her new husband and daughter by her side. Read my conversation with Katie from 2019 here.
Actually, some people are happier (and healthier) being single by Katie Camero
Questionable self-care advice
Remember, you’ll be dead soon.
Support system
Vision board
Obsessions
I recently took part in SURJ’s Abolition Action Hour and enjoyed how organized it was, and how many action items I could take participate in in an hour. The next one is on October 20 and you can sign up here.
A flowchart for what to read about abolition and an FAQ sheet for white people about abolition
Thinking about this thought experiment on rejection as I’m trying to be more daring socially
Set up a text auto-responder
This made me miss New York
The annual blessing of the animals
I’ve watched this performance 20 times
Anthem
“Misery Business” by Paramore. I saw Paramore at my first ACL this weekend (with today’s podcast guest Sam) and this is THE antifeminist anthem forever!
Minerva moment
Mood
Thanks for reading Cruel Summer Book Club! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work.
Extra special thanks to:
My podcast editor, Chelsea Eichholz (Twitter), co-host of the Untitled Cinema Gals podcast
Logo artist Jaymie de los Reyes
You are not alone!