Grief
Wisdom and resources on loss.
My older brother Chris died in a motorcycle accident in California on Saturday. He was 47.
It feels unreal to type those words.
I don’t have much to say right now, but this feels like the right time for me to sign off from CSBC for the rest of this year and focus on my family.
This newsletter sprung from heartbreak — and thank god it did. My heart and mind burst open, and I became so much more connected to what I want from life, and who I am at my core. And so much of that formed from choosing to lean into life’s hardest feelings, not shrink away from them in fear.
I am so much more tender. I love so much better, stronger, braver now. I loved my brother so much better in the last six years than all the years before.
I’m grateful for grief. It’s a flashlight. And I see more of what I need to now.
Below, find some of my grief thoughts and resources, as well as CSBC conversations I’ve had about life, loss, death, and learning to live with pain that never leaves you.
A couple of years ago, I was complaining to a therapist that someone I love never calls me; I always call them. She told me, “So what?” Talking to my loved one was important to me, and our conversations were nourishing. So why was I keeping score? This was life-changing advice that I am so, so grateful for. May this be your loving nudge to call your loved one today. And say what you need to say.
A Beginner's Guide to the End: Practical Advice for Living Life and Facing Death
My death doula best friend recommended this book to me earlier this year while my grandfather was dying, and it was such a helpful resource.
When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chödrön
A lifelong Bible.
Hope and fear come from feeling that we lack something; they come from a sense of poverty. We can’t simply relax with ourselves. We hold on to hope, and hope robs us of the present moment. We feel that someone else knows what’s going on, but that there’s something missing in us, and therefore something is lacking in our world.
Rather than letting our negativity get the better of us, we could acknowledge that right now we feel like a piece of shit and not be squeamish about taking a good look. That’s the compassionate thing to do. That’s the brave thing to do. We could smell that piece of shit. We could feel it; what is its texture, color, and shape?
-Pema Chödrön, When Things Fall Apart
Sending love and support from afar. And thank you for sharing these resources x
Why do things seem more real when you see it in print but your mind doesn’t want to believe it has actually happened. When you read the actual words there’s no longer any escape.