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I'm thinking about how I've reached much more of an acceptance stage with everything going on. I'm accepting that the life I had before this is pretty much over, that it's time to close that chapter completely. That's a lot to swallow and I'm still taking it in. But I also know in my bones that I am ready. When I have all the information I need to make big choices for myself, I am ready to make them.

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May 2, 2020Liked by Jillian Anthony

I'm thinking about all of the uncertainty... in employment, summer plans, travel, markets, and relationships. Wondering about next steps moving forward- does it make sense to travel to see family this summer?  Or do I save money for next year in case I'm laid-off over the summer if my university chooses to continue mostly online and my "essential" job no longer exists. I'm thinking about the privilege of still having been employed during this pandemic, and continuing to be employed through mid-May until going off-contract for the summer, knowing many people haven't had that luxury of continued employment at all.  And while I am thankful I am employed- balancing that against the unknown of the virus and still having to interact with people in my job, wishing I could 100% work from home to better ensure my own safety. It's complicated. Lots of uncertainty and mixed feelings and thoughts around all of these topics.

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The uncertainties in our lives are huge and looking right now. It’s interesting you mention summer travels because I’m still holding on to hope that I’ll get to do SOME of my summer travels, while knowing that may not be at all possible. It’s hard to feel like spring was a a lost season and now summer may be as well. I’m happy to hear you’ve been employed and safe so far, and I’m sorry you feel stress from having to go into your work location sometimes. But I’m right there with you with being unable to make a lot of choices for myself right now. I remember that we WILL be able to make them with time and information, and for now to focus on doing and deciding anything I actually can. Complicated is okay and it’s our only reality right now.

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Looming*

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